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9 Things You Should Never EVER Say to Your Husband

By , Erin Whitehead
Communication is the foundation of any good marriage. When you're with someone day in, day out, for years on end, issues are bound to crop up. If you think a topic warrants a discussion, you should absolutely feel comfortable discussing it with your husband. But when it comes to certain hot-button issues, like friends, weight and the bank account, you might want to tread lightly. From serious to silly, here are nine things you should probably never say to your husband.  

1. "I hate your best friend."

Even if you have a beef with his obnoxious best friend, odds are they've got quite the history. Think how you'd feel if your husband despised your BFF—and made that known. If he (or she) isn't your favorite person but is harmless enough, suck it up for the sake of their friendship. If you make sure they get plenty of buddy time by not getting jealous when they go watch a game, you won't be forced to spend too much time with him and odds are you'll be able to get a pedicure guilt-free. If there are legitimate concerns, like said friend still likes to bar hop while you prefer your hubby be home, air those concerns without making it personal.

2. "Ryan Gosling is hot." (for the hundredth time)

Hubby probably didn't mind the first few times you gushed about how hunky you find Ryan Gosling. But he doesn't need to see you fanning yourself every time you see a preview with your favorite Hollywood hunk. Besides, you know he finds Jennifer Lawrence drool-worthy, but you don't need to hear it every time you see her flash on the screen, do you?

3. "I hate when you..."

Oftentimes it's not what your complaint is but how that complaint comes across when you air it that gets a conversation off to a bad start. Starting out with "hate" is a surefire way to put someone on the defensive. Likewise, accusing someone of "always" or "never" doing something is a confrontation waiting to happen. "This bothers me" comes across less harshly and positions you both to discuss the situation than any of those other loaded words.

4. "Is your hair thinning?"

He has a mirror. He has eyes. Odds are, he knows if his once-thick locks aren't quite as luxurious as they once were. Don't mention it unless he specifically comes to you seeking advice. If he is insecure about it, mention Bruce Willis. Hello, hottie!

5. "You need to start working out." & 6. "You need to lose weight."

Whenever weight is an issue, the person bringing up the topic needs to be sensitive to the other. It's fine to be concerned about a partner's weight gain and to broach the subject, but to spout directives as to what they "need to do" to take care of the problem could open up a can of worms and make you come across as bossy and controlling. Instead, you could mention that you've noticed that he has gained a few pounds and you've been trying to figure out how you can get more active or eat healthier meals. Make it a partnership of support, rather than weighty accusations for a much smoother conversation.  Learn more about helping the people you care about get healthy.

7. "That's all you ran/lifted/worked out?"

Don't belittle someone's efforts; be glad they're making an effort to work out and get healthy (and likely, look good for you)! A simple "way to go!" gives encouragement to your partner's efforts.

8. "I wish you made more money."

He probably wishes that, too. And likely, I bet he wishes you made more money as well. Saying something like this is only going to discourage him and make him feel inadequate. Instead, take responsibility yourself. Money can be a big area of contention in a relationship, but saying something like "I'm going to ask for a raise; I think you should too" or "Let's take a look at our budget to see if we can make any cuts" gets to the heart of the matter without being accusatory or belittling.

9. "We are not buying that."

Most couples have money rules they follow, like not making big purchases without involving the other person. If he's looking at the newest big screen TV or smartphone but hasn't broached the subject and had a serious purchasing discussion, he's likely in the early stages of dreaming about that object of his affection. Let him look and enjoy the idea rather than crushing his technology (or other "toy") dreams. If he truly wants it, he'll bring it up—and you can discuss it then.
 
There should never be a pink elephant in the room when it comes to your marriage, and airing concerns is a fundamental part of the partnership. Just make sure you consider how you'd want to be approached on a topic before you bring it up to him because guys are sensitive souls, too. And just between us: How about that Ryan Gosling?

Have you learned from experience something you'll never—ever—say to your husband again?

About the Author

Erin Whitehead is a health and fitness enthusiast who co-founded the popular website FitBottomedGirls.com and co-wrote The Fit Bottomed Girls Anti-Diet book (available May 2014). Now busier than ever with two kids, she writes about healthy pregnancy and parenting at FitBottomedMamas.com.


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Comments

ALEXTHEHUN 3/8/2018
This is sexist in it point of view. Some of it is good advice for a relationship but it does not have to be just wife to husband. Husband to wife, Wife to Wife. Husband to Husband. Report
NEVERORNOW 2/27/2018
This is simply good common sense advice, not just for wives but for husbands as well. Report
PEGGY-BEE 11/28/2017
The only thing I regreted was saying to him: "You are starting to sound like your mother", I may say it to my daughter as she hears it also, but once to him was not a good idea Report
IRONADONIS 9/18/2017
Interesting. Report
OOKLATHEMOK 9/16/2017
Freddie Mercury would be so disappointed about how his wonderful "Fat Bottom Girls" has been corrupted by this author Report
GKNIGHT69 9/2/2017
Too funny! Report
KATHYJO56 7/5/2017
I have been married 44 years and I have never said one of these things to my husband. Report
ALASKINI 6/14/2017
DH and I have been together 36 mostly wonderful, seldom boring, years. Thru it all, we've had a running joke that we're totally free to look at/drool over anything, but the other one usually says with a grin, "Go ahead, sweetheart, just give me the credit cards." LOL! And yes, it goes BOTH ways. Report
LEANJEAN6 6/8/2017
It does work both ways! Report
FISHGUT3 5/20/2017
works both ways! Report
BONDMANUS2002 5/14/2017
absolutely correct Report
BONDMANUS2002 5/14/2017
absolutely correct Report
OLGA316 5/12/2017
good tips Report
MOMMY2JJ2 5/4/2017
Good tips !
Report
PLCHAPPELL 5/3/2017
Good tips. Report
YMWONG22
Good to know. Report
Good grief. Was this article taken from a 1960's magazine at a check-out stand? What on earth happened to Sparkpeople? Report
Good information Report
RSKMOM
Think first! Report
Not only not to say to your husband but to ANYONE Report
It seems pretty obvious (to me). I wouldn't say those things to Anyone! Report
Interesting Report
This definitely goes both ways. Being in a loving supportive relationship is what I aspire too. Maybe someday. Report
interesting Report
Not my favorite article. Report
Epic fail Report
BANDOAYAN1
Great idea Report
Good article! Report
Wow, is it 1950's again with the crazy sexist stereotypes in this article?

Please, this is meant to be a sensible, accessible website for weightloss and health and fitness, not some cliche fluff magazine. Report
This article seemed really out of place, when compared to other articles on the site. When I read it, I had to look twice to make sure I was on SP. Kind of disappointed to see this here. Report
This article seemed out of place and really immature. Report
YMWONG22
I guess the same goes for the wife as well. Report
2DIETORNOT2DIET
I am so sick of what we are not to say to our men, but they can say anything to us even if it cuts to our souls. Why don't they write about what men should not say to their wives. Report
Good to remember ALL this! Report
What Kickingit@56 said. Why feature an article like this? There are people here that actually believe this is fact. Report
The article is good and has good suggestions. Report
ZRIE014
The article is fine. Report
Why is this blog even here? Don't we have enough silly websites which post this kind of simplistic "advice". Human relationships are far more complicated and require more thoughtfulness. Report
In all the years that I was married to my late husband I have never said that to him. Wish that he was still here. Report
I'm amazed at the anger and disgust in these posts. The article is fine. Report
lol, and I don't even know who Ryan Gosling is. Report
No surprises. Report
Obviously this is a redone blog because when reading the comments, I find several references to orgasm and being like one's father which don't seem to be mentioned in this blog. I have the same concern that several others have commented upon. Why is this only what women should not say to their husbands? Communication goes both ways so neither spouse should say these things. Report
PATRICIAANN46
I think that we should NEVER be this insensitive to EACH OTHER. There is a lot to the Golden Rule... Report
I've been married for 42 years and it never occurred to me to say any of those things to my husband, nor has he said those to me.
When we first got married we set up a few ground rules. One was "no nagging", which takes care of most of the scenarios in this article. The other thing we did was let each of us have our own "mad money" that we can save or spend as we wish - no questions asked, no comments made. If he wants to buy a new tool, fine; it's his money. If I want to buy a new sewing machine, no problem; it's my money. We do have to agree on things that both of us use - appliances, cars, homes, etc. - and make sure we have a method for paying for them. No loans for items under $1000 and no "borrowing" from future earnings. We may not be "keeping up with the Jones family" but we certainly are a lot less stressed, which means less drama and a mellower relationship. Report
another one is I told you so Report
Yes, respect, dignity and honesty Report
If someone has a problem with you, it's their problem, not yours. Report
I get the intention behind this article, but really? SparkPeople can cover many aspects of health, which includes relationships, but to perpetuate sexism and how a woman or wife should be or act around/with her husband. Quite honestly reading the title and the list made me snuff my nose a bit. If anything this should be titled about things you should never say to ANYONE. Report
Please, be more sexist. Report
 
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